It’s not bloody better to travel hopefully . . .
Posted on Thursday, August 19th, 2010
Is it just me? Have I missed the memo on this? Or has everyone who gets on TV sworn a secret oath to describe making a television programme as a f*cking JOURNEY. If so, it really, really bugs me.
Whiny girl’s voice: “Oh, choosing my blind date in a crap show about single people has been such a JOURNEY.”
Minor celeb on Who Do You Think You Are: “Finding out that my ancestors were actually people who worked in a dress shop and didn’t have all that much money has been such a JOURNEY.”
Tweedy don with a massive chin: “Reading these original medieval texts, standing in fields and talking to camera about people who’ve been dead for 1,000 years has been such a JOURNEY”.
And by the way, mate, it’s pronounced “Known”, only one syllable, not “Kno-wen” – yes, Professor Bartlett, I’m talking to you!
(Deep breath)
OK, I guess the popular idiom of the day reflects the culture we live in. We travel a lot nowadays. We didn’t use to in the past. Research has sho-wen – damn, I’m doing it now – that in 1971 only 6.7 million Brits took holiday trips abroad; in 2008, we took 69 million trips; more than a tenfold increase. Travelling has got a helluva lot cheaper, so we do it more. In the 1950s a two-week summer package cost £35 – which was then one fifth of the average national income. Today the national income is £25,000 – would you pay £5,000 for two boozy weeks on the Costa del Sol?
I have to admit, here and now, that I got the above figures from Popbitch, so I’m not saying that I stand by them to the death, but you get the idea.
In the High Middle Ages, most peasants lived and died without moving more than ten miles from the village they were born in. People did travel, but there was no concept of travelling for a holiday. You went on a pilgrimage. If you were sick or unhappy or had committed some major sin – you went on a pilgrimage. That was it in terms of wandering around in foreign countries for 90 per cent of the population.
Travelling was a nightmare in the Middle Ages: it was long and boring and uncomfortable; you risked being robbed by unscrupulous people, you had no idea where you were most of the time. Hang on a second! Has anyone flown on a budget airline recently? The point is, it was tough getting about the world then, and you did it for the good of your soul – not to get pissed out of your mind and laid by half a dozen mingers in Malia.
Not saying it was better then. I would have hated living in the Middle Ages – no decent coffee for a start, a little too much Black Death for my liking. All I want is for people to stop calling the antics that they do in front of a camera for loads of cash a bloody JOURNEY. If you must, call it a pilgrimage: it has much nicer connotations.
Posh woman whose trips to a private doctor have been televised: ‘Oh yes, discovering that I, and all my family, have genital warts has been such a PILGRIMAGE!’
OK, maybe not. But while I’m on the subject of irritation modern verbal idiom, I wish people would stop talking about their bloody PASSION for things. Drinking tea is my PASSION! Cooking is my PASSION. Smoking crack mixed with heroin is my PASSION. Actually, what you mean is that you are quite fond of these things . . .
Anyway, enough ranting. Probably time I went to bed. Night-night. It’s been a real JOURNEY!
Here here! I’ve also noticed this, but well done on turning it into a genius, witty blog! Had me in stiches.
You’re right; travelling was, indeed, a true struggle back in the day. And if someone died without travelling over 10 miles out their town now days, we would simply term them as a “sad, depressed individual”. Am I right?
You may not like going to ASDA with your mother as a child, but I’m sure a pilgrim born today would consider it a nice little….. JOURNEY!
Cheers Alex. As usual we are of one mind!
Angus
Great minds think alike my friend…
Reading your blog has been such a journey. it had me in stitches. And as reading is such a passion of mine i thought i would reply to it. Cracking book outlaw just got Holy worrior cant wait to start it.
just finshed Holy Warrior….what a journey (you’re stuck with these comments now) Anyway as someone often planning revenge on various delivers of transport to us gullible voyagers i was particularly amused by your Messina taxi driver comment.! Perhaps you could include sacking and burning of Stockholm in your next book having been royally ripped off there !
Enjoyable book look forward to the your next one..meanwhile perhaps you could earn a little extra by auctioning the next town to be raised by crusaders to another tee’d off traveller and give them the mention in credits !!
I agree with Adrian, the last acknowledgement was very funny. I finished both of Angus’s books in 3 days, and I must say they are some of my favourite. Cannot wait until the next book. Reading them has been a… journey.
OK, all of you: enough with the bloody JOURNEYS! Thanks for your comments, but – I beg you – no more, please. Angus
Hi! Best wishes from Carpathian Mountains to you Angus. I’m on holiday. I have to admit I just can’t wait to read King’s Man. There are no enough INTERESTING books about Robin in today’s market. Will your next novel be released in July 2011? That’s too long 4 me! Cheers.
Sorry Evelyn, I’m still writing King’s Man and it won’t be out till July 2011. But the next 11 months will go quickly, I’m sure.
Watch out for Dracula while you are in the Carpathians!
All the best, Angus
Tony Blairs new book is called ‘A Journey’. I thought of this blog entry immediately and had to post this message, knowing that it would bring a laugh to you ;)
Liam
That’s typical of the man. Thanks for this, Liam, it made me chuckle. Best, Angus