Oliver Stone, Colin Farrell and The Mousetrap
Posted on Friday, September 3rd, 2010
I used to work for The Times newspaper, which was quite a good rag for a while but, naturally, it has totally gone downhill since I left two and a half years ago to do my Robin Hood thing. But I remember one competition that the paper ran in T2 back in the day which was inspired. It was called “World’s shortest reviews” or “Micro-reviews” or something similar.
One of the entries that stuck in my mind was a review of the 2004 film Alexander, directed by Oliver Stone and starring Colin Farrell. You might expect it to be a real humdinger of a movie with one of the world’s greatest conquerers as its subject and those two illustrious movie names attached; actually it was pretty much “meh”. The Times’ micro-review summed it up in three words. It said:
Alexander: not great
Anyway, I went to see The Mousetrap in the West End with my beautiful 18-year-old god-daughter Bina last night, and I’d like to offer my own micro-review of the show.
The Mousetrap: cheesy
Don’t worry, I’m not going to give away who dunnit – although it is pretty easy to guess. (I knew for sure by the beginning of Act 2 who the murderer was.) But to be honest, I was a bit disappointed by the simplicity of the play, by its lack of depth. And I thought the acting, particularly by some of the younger cast members was distinctly am-dram.
I went to see it because I had been told that it had been running for 58 years – and so it must be good, I thought, to keep pulling in the punters year after year. But boy did it show its age. In a world where every second TV show is a murder mystery, we are all used to watching something and trying to guess who the villain is. Usually, to hold our jaded attentions, TV-makers add layer upon layer of twists and turns, surprises and shocks. The Mousetrap had only one: the identity of the murderer.
But I did think it was interesting to go back to the source of all those TV and film murder stories: Agatha Christie. She was the original suspense writer (OK and Arthur Conan Doyle) but she was the woman who refined the art of mis-directing the viewers, planting red herrings and delivering a surprise ending. And for that I salute her. If audiences are more sophisticated now than in her day: well, that’s not exactly her fault. Actually it’s an achievement – she created a whole genre, practically an industry.
So it wasn’t a totally wasted evening: I felt as if I were watching archive footage of Charlie Chaplin – something preserved in time from an earlier, simpler time – you can see the Tramp constructing his famous comedic moments, building physical gags, but you don’t really expect a belly laugh. It’s fascinating rather than funny. The same with Agatha Christie’s Mousetrap: it was interesting rather than intriguing.
Plus, I had a great time hanging out with and talking to Bina.
PS If anyone has any micro-reviews they want to share, please go ahead. I love them.
Personally, I’ve never watched a murder mystery all the way through – but love Sherlock Holmes (telivised and book); the closest I’ve got to a murder mystery is sitting through Hitchcock’s “Psycho”, which, as we all know, is absoloutly masterful.
So here goes my “micro” review on telivised murder series’.
Sitting through stuff like “Midsummer murders” and “Murder, she wrote” is like trying to sit through Prime Ministers Questions whilst resisting the urge to shout “You prat!” out loud. They don’t think the damn shows through!
Midsummer has been on for years, and in every episode someone in the villige dies. So wouldn’t you leave that villige? And in Murder she wrote, everyone the main lady knows dies – so would you hang around her?
Not exactly what you’ve asked for but, on the subject of murder, that’s my two pennies.
All the best,
Alex
Thanks Alex!
Inception: Dream on.
Excellent Liam! Very witty, my friend. Best, A
Hitchcock’s ‘Psycho’: That’s why it was worth inventing cinematograph.
(I don’t know if my grammar is correct, sorry for possible mistakes), Cheers.
I’m not sure that everyone has quite got the point of these micro-reviews: they need to be very short – one or two words – and also containing a pun/joke/play on words. For example: Alexander was known as Alexander the Great – hence the micro-review goes – Alexander: not great. It is a play on his historical title (The Great) and also suggesting that the film was not a very good one. In my one, Mousetrap: cheesy, I am suggesting that the play was “cheesy” ie low quality or crappy – but the joke works because in cartoon mousetraps they put a piece of cheese to attract the mouse. I’m sorry if I didn’t make myself clear in the blog. Does everyone get it now?
I’m sorry. It’s my fault; probably because of my English. I didn’t understand everything. So here is my new thing. Personally I don’t like romantic comedies. Here it is:
“Sleepless in Seattle”: not sleepless
Do I get it now?
How about:
The Dark Knight: The empty seat
Seriously, that film dragged!
Nice try, guys. Pretty good effort.
You might have said:
Sleepless in Seattle: certainly made me sleepy
or
The Dark Knight? More like endless bloody night
OK, my efforts aren’t all that funny either, but you get the idea. Here’s one that a friend put on my FB page about a classic 50s film called “I Am Camera”.
I Am Camera? Me no Leica
(You have to know that a Leica – pronounced “Like-a” is a famous brand of camera for the joke to work)
All the best, Angus
Good attempt, Angus – better than mine!
I may post another attempt once me brain gets going!
nice stuff.
As a music journalist I was asked to review the new major blockbuster that had opened at our recently opened and since closed local cinema.
The Flintstones: Yabba Dabba Don’t.
My editor took me off cinema reviews.
3 days later The Guardian ran the same review.
clive@public-i.org.uk
Good one Clive: I love Yabba Dabba Don’t. Are you still a journo? Who do you sell your soul to these days?
Best, Angus
Cheers Angus…
freelance…I’ve got stuff on BBC sites. I organise/ trouble shoot festivals and am about to get back to comedy writing after tooooooooooooooo long a lay off.
Hope all good in your world
Clive
Hi Clive,
Happy New Year! Life’s good with me, how about you?
I’ve done the freelance thing: tough gig. The festival stuff sounds more fun. Incidentally, I’m going to be going to a lot of medieval/historical festivals this year, trying to flog the books – I don’t suppose you know any folk who organise them, do you? I suspect that you are mainly concerned with music fests. Glasto and such.
Anyway, good luck with the comedy writing. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help – a plug on my blog or whatever. All the best, Angus
Howdy again. Yep…Happy New Year to you and yours too. I can put you in touch with Mark Olly – Granada/ Sky TV “Lost Treasures” presenter. Probably best to link up through Facebook http://www.facebook.com/clive......e.leighton and I can introduce you to him and his world.
And…check out virtual festivals for complete listings and literary festival sites. And yep please to mutual plugs. Keep in touch and all that
C